TAKE ME AS I AM

I just want to relinquish everything that makes me in such a way inconsolable. I'm tired of being clogged up for the reason that being me is not enough to prove that I deserve to be here. I feel troubled and uneasy because nobody's here to defend me on whatever instance it may be.

Why does it have to be so vague? How can I work it out? How can I be someone they look forward to? Why can't I tell them that what I just really wanted is to be appreciated - someone enough to be noticed?

I offered everything i could give. I controlled my anger and put patience in every part of the way. Yet, I couldn't get my prize. Still, they took me for granted. Until one day, I felt exhaustion. I became tired enduring the pain and the delays without complaint. My perseverance and care didn't seem to work. I'm still their peevish laughing stock. So I decided to let go of the people and the things that hurt me. I realized that I don't have to be stuck here just to be in line with them. I can do it on my own; I can be the best even if I'm not trying too hard. I just have to believe in myself even more.

There are times when I carry my self-effacement to extremes. I tend to excuse others' behavior and make too many demands on myself. Under such a self-imposed rule, my emotions become strained, I become excitable and my temper can flare up and explode. I have a terrible fear of being betrayed and any infringement on my principles can incite my anger. I can say that my will is astonishing, not so much for its intensity, but for its quality.

I am happiest when I'm sharing and giving of myself. My intellect is holistic instead of analytic. I have a fine memory especially on events that have emotional charge or meaning to me. I am also very emotional by nature, but my morals do not allow me to be flippant about my affections; they're delivered from the heart.